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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22631521">I'll Possess Your Heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimpotato/pseuds/kimpotato'>kimpotato</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NU'EST</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Additional Warnings Apply, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blackouts, Friendship, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Obsession, Stabbing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 09:47:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,684</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22631521</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimpotato/pseuds/kimpotato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Minhyun tends to get a bit too jealous whenever Jonghyun gives other people his full attention.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron Kwak | Aron/Lee Jieun | IU, Choi Minki | Ren/Kim Jonghyun | JR, Hwang Minhyun/Kim Jonghyun | JR</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>172</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>204</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Trigger warning: Dark themes.<br/>Happy ending not guaranteed.<br/>Proceed with caution.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Minhyun watched his two friends silently. His vision started to darken, the way it sometimes did when Jonghyun paid other people too much attention. Especially when it was Mingi.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Stop staring at me. It's embarrassing."</p>
<p>Minhyun bit his lower lip, mentally gushing over how cute Jonghyun was. This was one of the things he had missed during his one-year stint as a foreign exchange student—the freedom to spend time with his best friends whenever he wanted to. He especially loved hanging out with Jonghyun—after all, Jonghyun was soft and cuddly and charismatic, all rolled into a bundle of sparkly eyes, floofy hair, and heart-stopping smile. Who wouldn’t love him?</p>
<p>"Seriously, stop it," Jonghyun repeated, pulling his ball cap lower to hide his face.</p>
<p>Minhyun chuckled and tilted his head so that his face was a bit closer to Jonghyun’s. </p>
<p>“But you’re really cute.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun laughed and pushed him a safe distance away. “I said stop.”</p>
<p>Minhyun wanted to glomp Jonghyun because he looked so small and adorable in his striped sweater. He was just about to execute his plan when he saw Jonghyun focus on something behind him, eyes suddenly lighting up like a lamppost. When Minhyun turned to check, he saw Mingi step out of the nearest building, heading toward their direction.</p>
<p>"Rennie," Jonghyun called in a gentle voice he only seemed to use with Mingi. “You finished with your consultation?”</p>
<p>Mingi groaned, plopped down beside Jonghyun, and buried his face into Jonghyun’s  shoulder. “That teacher will be the death of me,” he whined.</p>
<p>Jonghyun chuckled, his hand automatically wrapping around Mingi's lean frame. Mingi sighed, pressing his forehead deeper into Jonghyun’s arm.</p>
<p>Minhyun watched his two friends silently. His vision started to darken, the way it sometimes did when Jonghyun paid other people too much attention. Especially when it was Mingi.</p>
<p>As if on cue, Jonghyun suddenly looked up at him, both eyebrows raised. "You okay?"</p>
<p>Minhyun's sight slowly returned to normal, and he flashed Jonghyun a smile, too wide to be genuine. Reaching out to pat Mingi's back, he intentionally wrapped his arm around Jonghyun in the process, so from afar, they looked like they were in a three-way embrace. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em> Jonghyun’s really cute. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>I already know that.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He’s really, really adorable. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>I know that, too.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> But he’s too enamored with Mingi. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>They’ve been friends since grade school.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> What are you planning to do about it? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Why do I have to do anything? Mingi's my friend, too.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Suuuuure. Keep telling yourself that. </em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You sleeping here?” Mingi asked as Minhyun made himself comfortable in Jonghyun’s bed. He had already stripped down to his usual shirt and jogging pants, so he wasn’t sure why Mingi was still asking him that question. It wasn’t as if he were planning to cuddle with <em> him </em> anyway.</p>
<p>“Dongho’s out on a date,” Minhyun explained, hugging Jonghyun’s favorite Squirtle plushie. “He might bring her back to our room later.”</p>
<p>Mingi snorted as he sat in front of the dresser mirror. “Like hell he would. A girl could strip naked in front of him and he’d throw her a blanket to cover herself with.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun laughed from the bathroom. Seconds later he emerged, wearing a cute pajama set with puppy prints all over it. “Scoot,” he said, motioning for Minhyun to move a bit to the side so he could sit down. Minhyun wiggled to the right, relinquishing his hold on Squirtle in favor of wrapping his arms around Jonghyun the second the smaller guy sat beside him.</p>
<p>“Clingy as hell,” Mingi joked, gently patting lotion on his face. Minhyun glared at him, chin already resting on Jonghyun’s shoulder.</p>
<p>Jonghyun chuckled as he grabbed the plushie. “I don’t mind,” he clarified, squishing Squirtle in his arms. “But I’m planning to level up on Suikoden tonight so I hope you brought an eyeshade with you.” </p>
<p>“I’ll watch you play,” Minhyun volunteered.</p>
<p>Mingi snorted again. “Good luck with that. He’s not going to stop playing till at least 3 AM.”</p>
<p>Minhyun clenched his teeth in irritation. Why did Mingi always have to react to whatever he said? “When are <em> you </em>going to sleep?” he huffed.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about me,” Mingi grinned. “Give me one can of beer and I’m good to go.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun frowned. “Rennie, I told you to stop drinking so much. It’s not good for your health.”</p>
<p>Mingi stuck his tongue out, already fishing out a can of beer from the mini-fridge. “You worry too much, J-Rie. A can a day isn’t going to kill me, you know.”</p>
<p>“Yah, give me half of that.”</p>
<p>“In your dreams.”</p>
<p>Before Minhyun could put in a word, Jonghyun had already stood to chase Mingi across their dorm room. They ended up on the floor, with Jonghyun trying to reach for the beer can and Mingi swatting his hand away.</p>
<p>If it were anyone else, Minhyun would have rolled his eyes and laughed at the silly display in front of him. But all he felt as he watched his two friends rolling on the floor, laughing their guts out, was the oily grip of a scaly green dragon in his chest.</p>
<p>
  <em> Still think he’s your friend? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Shut up.</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>End of Chapter 1</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Who did you go with?”<br/>“I came with Mingi.”<br/>Minhyun felt his heart constrict, his vision turning black. “Why didn’t you call me?”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: Dark themes.<br/>Happy ending not guaranteed.<br/>Proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>“You’re enjoying this way too much.”</p>
<p>Minhyun tried to wipe the grin off his face, he really did, but he just couldn’t help it. He was feeling too damn happy about how things had turned out. </p>
<p>It was a stroke of luck, really. Dongho was on another date, and Aaron had to finish a research paper in the library. Even Mingi had a project to work on in the dorm. In the end, Jonghyun was the only one with no deadlines or other social commitments. Minhyun dragged him out of the dorm room that he shares with Mingi before he could start with one of his computer games.</p>
<p>“Can you blame me?” Minhyun chirped, stopping himself from skipping. “I finally got you to eat dinner with me.” </p>
<p>Jonghyun chuckled. “Don’t make it sound weird. I always eat dinner with you.”</p>
<p>Minhyun huffed. “You always eat dinner with <em> us</em>,” he corrected. “Ever since I came back from Japan, I haven’t managed to drag you out by yourself. Someone else always went out with us.”</p>
<p>
  <em> You mean, Mingi always went out with you. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Go away.</b>
</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Jonghyun apologized, putting on his sincerest puppy look. </p>
<p>Minhyun wanted so badly to pat Jonghyun’s head. Or just wrap his arms around him. He was sure Jonghyun wouldn’t mind either way; Minhyun had always clung to him whenever he could, even before he left for his exchange program. </p>
<p>“But I’m here now, right? I’m all yours.”</p>
<p>Minhyun’s grin bloomed wider. “You are indeed. And I’m going to make the most of it,” he promised, grabbing Jonghyun’s arm and tugging him into the restaurant he had picked for them. “I hope you’re hungry, because I’m going to order a lot of food.”</p>
<p>“I’ll eat whatever you recommend,” Jonghyun smiled, taking a seat in their assigned booth.</p>
<p>“Perfect,” Minhyun beamed. “There’s one dish here I’ve been dying to try.”</p>
<p>“Oh? What is it?”</p>
<p>Minhyun picked up the menu and searched for the dish name. “Here,” he pointed to a picture of red broth topped with all kinds of meats and vegetables.</p>
<p>Jonghyun looked at the picture and blinked. “Ah. Yeah, the malatang here is good.”</p>
<p>Minhyun found himself frowning without meaning to. “ . . . wait. You’ve been here before?”</p>
<p>Jonghyun nodded absentmindedly, not realizing that his friend’s aura had turned two shades darker. </p>
<p>“Really? When did you go?”</p>
<p>Jonghyun shrugged as he continued studying the menu. “Last week.”</p>
<p>“Who did you go with?”</p>
<p>“I came with Mingi.”</p>
<p>Minhyun felt his heart constrict, his vision turning black. “Why didn’t you call me?”</p>
<p>Jonghyun looked up, smiling awkwardly in surprise. He opened his mouth to reply, but it seemed like he couldn’t think of a way to respond properly.</p>
<p>Minhyun pinched his thigh under the table to clear his vision. He then flashed his companion a reassuring grin. “I’m kidding! Of course I’m kidding!” He hoped he didn’t sound too hysterical. “Let’s order now, okay?”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Dinner went great, all things considered. Jonghyun was the perfect companion, listening to Minhyun’s stories with complete attention, eating the food Minhyun specifically ordered for him (minus the stupid malatang, he didn’t need to eat that anymore), even handing Minhyun a wad of tissue when he noticed that the latter was sweating more than usual (Minhyun blamed the sip of makgeolli he had before their meal).</p>
<p>By the time they finished eating, Minhyun had completely forgotten about the malatang incident, and he and Jonghyun stepped out of the restaurant, with both hearts and stomachs full.</p>
<p>“The food was really good,” Jonghyun admitted as they headed back to the dorms.</p>
<p>“Aren’t you glad you came with me?” Minhyun asked cheekily.</p>
<p>Jonghyun nodded. “Thank you. We should do this more often.”</p>
<p>Minhyun’s lips stretched to his ears, and he looked down to hide his shit-eating grin. “We should.”</p>
<p>“Ah.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun said it so softly, Minhyun wouldn’t have heard it if he weren’t so attuned to everything Jonghyun did.</p>
<p>“What is it?” he asked, noticing that Jonghyun had stopped in front of a candy and snacks stall by the sidewalk. He watched as his friend picked up and paid for a pack of sweets. “What did you buy?” he asked when Jonghyun caught up with him.</p>
<p>“Mingi loves these,” Jonghyun answered, showing off the gummy bears he had bought. “I promised I’d bring something home for him.”</p>
<p>Minhyun’s smile froze on his lips. “That’s . . . very thoughtful of you.”</p>
<p>
  <em> He got Mingi something. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Shut up.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He’s with you but it’s Mingi that he’s thinking about. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>I said shut up.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He will never treat you the same way he treats Mingi. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Shut. The. Hell. Up.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> You have to do something about it. </em>
</p>
<p>Jonghyun's gentle voice suddenly broke into his thoughts. “Minhyun-ah?”</p>
<p>“W-what?”</p>
<p>“I said let’s go. Are you all right?”</p>
<p>Minhyun flashed an all-too-wide smile. “Of course.”</p>
<p>
  <em> Lies. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>End of Chapter 2</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Chapter inspired by the recent NUCKET episode (sorry, I still can't take that name seriously O_o).</p>
<p>Thanks again, A, for being my beta and cheerleader.</p>
<p>And thank you, dear readers, for the love and support. I didn't know dark Minhyun would be such a hit ^^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>How could he tell Jonghyun that he enrolled in the subject because he knew it was the only major elective Jonghyun had that none of their other friends were required, or willing, to take? </p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: Dark themes.<br/>Happy ending not guaranteed.<br/>Proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Minhyun glared darkly at the vibrating smartphone on their library table. <em> RENNIE </em> flashed on the screen, as if taunting him. Two shelves down, Jonghyun stood oblivious, searching for resource books they needed for their Optics project.</p>
<p>
  <em> Reject the call. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>What? No.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He won’t know. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>It might be important.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Just hit the red button. </em>
</p>
<p>Minhyun found his hand hovering over Jonghyun’s phone, finger itching to press the Cancel icon. It wouldn’t be such a big deal, right? He and Jonghyun, after all, had some important school work to finish.</p>
<p>
  <em> Do it. Do it now. </em>
</p>
<p>“Ah, who’s calling?”</p>
<p>Minhyun stopped himself from jumping, not realizing that Jonghyun was already standing behind his chair. He quickly picked up the smartphone and handed it to his friend, flashing him a wide smile as he did so.</p>
<p>“It’s Mingi.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun took his phone and sat beside Minhyun, gently placing down the books he had found. “Rennie? . . . Minhyun and I are in the library . . . Where? . . . Yep, okay. See you in about an hour.”</p>
<p>“What did he say?” Minhyun asked as soon as Jonghyun ended the call. He tried to sound nonchalant, but his pitch went up half a notch instead. He mentally kicked himself, grateful that Jonghyun didn’t seem to notice.</p>
<p>
  <em> Coward. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Leave me alone.</b>
</p>
<p>“He’s asking if we want to have dinner together,” Jonghyun grinned in a silly way, the way he usually did after speaking with Mingi. Minhyun felt the sudden urge to throttle him. “There’s this newly opened ramen bar a block from uni that serves delicious karaage. Aaron-hyung and Dongo are coming, too.”</p>
<p>Minhyun felt his heart drop to his stomach. “Ah, but I thought we’re going to finish our research first.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun nodded, handing him one of the books he had discovered. “We could use the break though. We’ve already been here the whole afternoon.”</p>
<p>Minhyun bit his lip to keep his frustration from boiling over. It wasn’t as if he didn’t want to eat. He just didn’t want <em>Mingi </em>to eat with them. Wasn’t it enough that he gets to hang out with Jonghyun in the dorm all the time? Couldn’t he let Jonghyun hang out with his other friends once in a while?</p>
<p>“Well okay,” he pouted. “But you’re still going to tutor me later tonight, right? Midterms are next week and I still can’t quite grasp our latest lesson.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun chuckled as he opened the other book. “I still don’t understand why you’re taking a free elective in Optics when you’re a Communications major.”</p>
<p>Minhyun pretended to focus on his readings. How could he tell Jonghyun that he enrolled in the subject because he knew it was the only major elective Jonghyun had that none of their other friends were required, or willing, to take? </p>
<p>“I was good in Physics back in high school, okay?”</p>
<p>Jonghyun snorted. “All right then,” he grinned, pushing the open book toward Minhyun. “So I guess you can take care of this part of the research huh?”</p>
<p>Minhyun took one good look at the wall of formulas on the page and groaned.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Sunbae!”</p>
<p>Both Minhyun and Jonghyun turned and waited as a pretty underclassman jogged toward them. They were on their way to meet up with the rest of their friends, stopping by the cafeteria to grab something to drink while they walked. Minhyun immediately found himself gripping his can of cola tightly because of the way the girl was smiling at his companion.</p>
<p>“Minkyung-ssi,” Jonghyun greeted, giving the girl a friendly smile. </p>
<p>“Nayoung-unnie is asking if you’re attending the org activity this weekend,” Minkyung asked, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.</p>
<p>“Aah. That’s not required, right? I have a paper due next Monday.”</p>
<p>Minkyung pouted prettily. “Neh, Sunbae. You’re always skipping out on activities if they’re not required. You should spend time with us, too, you know.”</p>
<p>Minhyun, as if on autopilot, shook his cola can from side to side as he listened to their conversation.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Jonghyun chuckled cutely. “Let me make it up to you guys next time. I just need to finish my requirements for this half-term.”</p>
<p>“That’s a promise?” Minkyung blinked pretty eyes.</p>
<p>Jonghyun smiled. “Of course.”</p>
<p>
  <em> Do it. </em>
</p>
<p>Minhyun opened his can, spraying cola everywhere. Minkyung shrieked and quickly took a step back.</p>
<p>“Ahh! I’m sorry!”</p>
<p>“You okay?” Jonghyun asked, concerned but also laughing.</p>
<p>“Yes, I’m really sorry,” Minhyun repeated, shaking off the excess cola from his hands, showering some droplets onto Minkyung's blouse and skirt in the process. </p>
<p>“Eh, Sunbae, I’ll see you next activity then,” Minkyung smiled awkwardly as she tried to wipe off the cola from her clothes.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Jonghyun agreed. “Oh, here.” He took out his handkerchief from his pocket, giving it to Minkyung. “You should wash your clothes quickly so they won’t stain.”</p>
<p>“Of course!” Minkyung beamed, accepting the handkerchief and hugging it to her chest instead of wiping her clothes with it. Minhyun shook his hands once more, causing more cola droplets to fly in the air. The underclassman squealed as she ran off, waving goodbye.</p>
<p>
  <em> Good job. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>It was an accident.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I bet it is. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>End of Chapter 3</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>My post-Valentines gift to everyone. Because why not?</p>
<p>Thanks, A, for the valuable input this chapter. There's more where that came from and I'm going to continue needing your help ^^</p>
<p>And to my lovely readers, I hope you're enjoying the ride. Please be patient as we slowly, painfully, reveal each layer of Minhyun's progression from, well, you'll see. Things may feel slow right now, but I promise there's logic behind it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Someone needs to take care of this little puppy," Ji-eun said cheekily, reaching out across the table to tap her index finger against Jonghyun’s cleft chin. Minhyun wanted to grab her finger and snap it in two.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: Dark themes.<br/>Happy ending not guaranteed.<br/>Proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Minhyun loved Aaron's girlfriend. Ji-eun was sweet, friendly, and kept her hands mostly to herself (and Aaron). She always treated their little group to snacks or coffee (or both), and sometimes acted motherly without being suffocating. Minhyun considered her a second noona, one that was less fierce and more pleasant to hang out with than his sister Sujin.</p>
<p>Which is why it was such a bummer that he was hating on her right now.</p>
<p>"It's just a blind date!" Ji-eun chuckled, dusting her karaage with more seasoning. "You drink coffee with her, chat for a bit, and see if you click. No strings attached."</p>
<p>Jonghyun smiled shyly as he chewed his noodles. "I don't know, Noona. You know I'm terrible when it comes to girls."</p>
<p>"But Sana-chan is really cool," Ji-eun insisted. "Plus, she's Japanese."</p>
<p>"And that's important because?" Aaron laughed as he sprinkled salt in his ramen. Everyone wrinkled their nose but no one said a word, so used they were to his bad habit of adding salt to everything. </p>
<p>"Jonghyunnie loves anime! They'd have lots to talk about!"</p>
<p>Aaron shook his head and wrapped an arm around his girlfriend. "Leave the poor kid alone, IU." Everyone knew Aaron was feeling extra cheesy whenever he used his pet name for Ji-eun, but again, they’d gotten used to it by now.</p>
<p>"Someone needs to take care of this little puppy," Ji-eun said cheekily, reaching out across the table to tap her index finger against Jonghyun’s cleft chin. Minhyun wanted to grab her finger and snap it in two. "He's barely getting any sunlight because he keeps playing those video games in the dorm.” </p>
<p>Minhyun opened his mouth to answer, but Mingi beat him to it.</p>
<p>"I can take care of him,” he replied haughtily, and then shoved a whole maki into Jonghyun’s mouth, as if to prove a point. Jonghyun coughed in surprise, but still accepted Mingi's offering. Minhyun stabbed the food in front of him and chomped into it in irritation.</p>
<p>
  <em> Careful. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Shut the hell up.</b>
</p>
<p>"You've been taking care of each other your whole lives," Ji-eun tched. "Be like Donghonnie! Date a different girl every week until you find the right one!”</p>
<p>Dongho choked on his juice as both Mingi and Aaron laughed. “Neh, Noona. You make it sound like I’m a playboy.”</p>
<p>The conversation flowed to different topics, but Minhyun no longer heard any of it. He continued to bite into the food in front of him, not really paying to what he's eating. </p>
<p>
  <em> She’s trying to take Jonghyun away. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>She’s my noona.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> She’s just like the rest of them. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Leave her alone.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> You need to get rid of her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>No!</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Do it, Minhyun. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Stop!</b>
</p>
<p>“Minhyun!”</p>
<p>Minhyun looked up, still in mid-chew, and found Dongho pointing, horrified, at him.</p>
<p>"Why are you eating that?!"</p>
<p>Minhyun swallowed as he looked down at his plate. Eyes wide open, he dropped his chopsticks and the half-eaten shrimp tempura still in between them. He felt his throat start to close up, his face and neck heat up, even as Dongho’s voice filled the small restaurant.</p>
<p>"Get his medicine, quick!"</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You feeling better?"</p>
<p>Minhyun blinked open his eyes and saw Jonghyun smiling gently at him from the side of the hospital bed. He opened his mouth to answer, but his voice came out in a low rasp instead.</p>
<p>“Here, drink this.” Jonghyun handed him a glass of clear water. Minhyun smiled gratefully as he sipped slowly from the straw. </p>
<p>“That was very careless of you, you know.”</p>
<p>Minhyun looked down, feeling his ears turn red, but not because of an allergic reaction.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun shook his head and patted Minhyun’s arm comfortingly. “We shouldn’t have ordered the tempura to begin with. Sorry about that.”</p>
<p>Minhyun squeezed Jonghyun’s hand, not letting it go. “Where are the others?”</p>
<p>“Hyung drove Noona home. Dongho is giving Sujin-noona an update over the phone.” Minhyun cringed, knowing he’d get an earful from his sister later. </p>
<p>“And Mingi?”</p>
<p>“He's . . .” The curtain divider moved, and a shock of peach hair came into view. “Ah, there you are.”</p>
<p>“Minhyun-ah!” Mingi rushed to his other side, his face a picture of worry. “How are you feeling?”</p>
<p>Minhyun offered a small smile. “I’m okay. Sorry to worry you.”</p>
<p>Mingi sighed in relief and gave Minhyun a quick hug. “Please don’t ever do that again,” he sobbed. “Oh, here. I got you your favorite,” he finished, handing Minhyun a bottle of his favorite grapefruit juice.</p>
<p>Minhyun accepted it and smiled in gratitude. Again he was reminded why Mingi was his friend to begin with. The young man wasn’t just pretty and popular, he had a good heart, too. Why was he so irritated with him again?</p>
<p>
  <em> He’s hogging all of Jonghyun’s attention, that’s why. </em>
</p>
<p>Minhyun shook his head to push the voice away. </p>
<p>Mingi checked his watch and frowned. “I need to go back to the dorm and finish my project,” he said sadly. He turned to Jonghyun. “You coming home?”</p>
<p>Minhyun squeezed Jonghyun’s hand in panic. He wasn’t even aware he hadn’t let go of him yet. He didn’t, couldn’t, say anything, but he threw Jonghyun his most pitiful look.</p>
<p>Jonghyun smiled gently and shook his head. “You go ahead, Rennie. I’ll stay here until Sujin-noona arrives.”</p>
<p>Minhyun heaved a sigh of relief. “Let me know when you’re on your way then,” Mingi reminded his roommate. He then turned to their hospitalized friend. “You rest up, okay?”</p>
<p>Minhyun nodded blankly and watched Mingi leave. And even then, he still kept his hand tightly around Jonghyun’s wrist.</p>
<p>
  <em> Nice job. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Shut up.</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>End of Chapter 4</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>No chapter-specific notes this time. Just the same gratitude to everyone who's reading and loving this. And of course, A, for their patience.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He checked his watch again: 3:15 PM. Jonghyun was now exactly fifteen minutes late. Jonghyun was almost never late.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: Dark themes (+ light swearing).<br/>Happy ending not guaranteed.<br/>Proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Three years ago . . . </em>
</p>
<p>“There you are.”</p>
<p>Minhyun looked up from his journal and found Jonghyun smiling softly at him. He wasn’t sure how his friend had found him; he had made certain to find the farthest corner nook in the library because he didn’t want to be disturbed. But then again he guessed he should have expected it—in his small clique, it was Jonghyun who seemed best at reading the others’ thoughts and feelings.</p>
<p>“Here I am.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun continued smiling as he settled on the chair right beside Minhyun. “So what’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Minhyun quietly closed his journal and flashed Jonghyun with his best (fake) smile. “Why would you think that something’s wrong?”</p>
<p>The smaller guy shrugged and took out his DS Lite from his backpack. “So you’re saying there isn’t?”</p>
<p>Minhyun bit his lip and played with the edge of his journal. In it, he had written everything that was wrong—the pressure from his family to do well in uni, his pending application for the student exchange program in Japan, the uncertainty of the future. How he tried to seem calm and happy and in control on the outside, but was actually close to breaking down on the inside. How, even when he’s surrounded by friends, he still felt <em> so </em> alone.</p>
<p>“. . . of course there isn’t.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun nodded and booted up his device. “Well, I’ll just sit here and play quietly while you work then, okay?” He turned to Minhyun and smiled one more time. “Give me a tap if you need help with anything.”</p>
<p>Minhyun stared at Jonghyun for a few seconds more, appreciating the intense way he was concentrating on what appeared to be a Pokemon game. A small smile formed on his own lips, genuine this time, as he opened his journal once more and resumed writing.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em> Present day . . . </em>
</p>
<p>Minhyun tapped his fingers impatiently against his laptop. He checked his watch again: 3:15 PM. Jonghyun was now exactly fifteen minutes late. Jonghyun was almost never late. Minhyun gritted his teeth as he looked around the small library nook. It had become his favorite spot in uni ever since Jonghyun found him there during one of his lowest points, three years ago.</p>
<p>Eight more minutes had passed before Jonghyun finally made an appearance. “Thanks for waiting,” he greeted, taking his usual seat.</p>
<p>“Where were you?” Minhyun hissed before he could stop himself.</p>
<p>Jonghyun blinked. “I sent a message,” he answered. “I had to wrap up a meeting with Taeyong for our Thermodynamics project.”</p>
<p>“And that’s more important than our Optics research?” Minhyun spit bitterly.</p>
<p>Jonghyun stared at him silently for several seconds. “Minhyun-ah,” he said in a tone that’s both chastising and reprimanding. “Optics isn’t the only subject I’m taking this semester.”</p>
<p>“I don’t care!” Minhyun growled, raising his voice. </p>
<p>“Minhyun-ah."</p>
<p>Minhyun paused in mid-rage at Jonghyun's tone. It wasn’t often that Jonghyun used that voice, and every time he did, it was because someone had crossed a line that shouldn’t be crossed. This time, it seemed that <em> he </em> did.</p>
<p>“Jju—”</p>
<p>“I’m going to let you cool down first,” Jonghyun said camly, standing and hiking his backpack on his shoulder. “I’ll work on my part of the research back in the dorm.”</p>
<p>“N-no, wait, Jjuya . . .”</p>
<p>“I’ll see you later, Minhyun-ah.” Jonghyun gave him a final nod before walking off. </p>
<p>Minhyun watched him leave, his breath coming out in rapid huffs. As soon as Jonghyun disappeared from view, Minhyun grabbed the first thing he could get a hold of—one of his reference books—and threw it against the floor, hard. Its sound echoed within the quiet library hall.</p>
<p>
  <em> That went well. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Fuck off.</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>End of Chapter 5</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just a quick update, more like a set-up for the drama that will happen next chapter. Which I haven't written yet. So . . . yeah. There's that. But A gave me some great ideas, so we'll see. </p>
<p>Thanks to all the lovely comments and kudos. Let's hold hands as we wait for what happens next, huh?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Minhyun pushed the thought away, determined to get some brunch. He’d hunt down Jonghyun after that, force him to talk to him like any reasonable person should, grovel at his feet and beg for forgiveness if he must.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: Dark themes (+ light swearing).<br/>Happy ending not guaranteed.<br/>Proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Okay, who died?”</p>
<p>Minhyhun looked up from his slumped position on the floor long enough to give his roommate the most pitiful look. </p>
<p>Dongho narrowed his eyes as he closed the door. “Seriously, I know you scrub the floor every other day, but I left for class three hours ago. Why are you still down there?”</p>
<p>“It’s Jjuya,” Minhyun sniffed, burying his face in his giant yellow dragon stuffed toy.</p>
<p>“Jonghyun died?” </p>
<p>Minhyun grabbed the extra pillow beside him and threw it angrily at his best friend. “Don’t ever joke about that!”</p>
<p>Dongho caught the pillow deftly and threw it back. “Then stop moping and tell me what the hell’s going on.”</p>
<p>“It’s none of your business,” Minhyun muttered, letting the pillow hit him squarely on the head. </p>
<p>“It is if you plan to stay there the whole night.” Sitting on his bed, Dongho poked Minhyun with a foot. “Seriously, Min, what happened?”</p>
<p>Minhyun swatted Dongho’s foot away and rolled onto his back. Staring up the ceiling, he mumbled, “He hates me.”</p>
<p>A chuckle echoed in the small dorm room. Minhyun glared at Dongho as he blindly reached for the pillow, intent on throwing it again.</p>
<p>“Jonghyun doesn’t hate you,” Dongho replied before Minhyun could execute his plan. “Why would you even think that?”</p>
<p>“He hasn’t spoken to me in a day,” Minhyun sobbed, burying his face in the pillow instead.</p>
<p>Dongho scoffed. “So? I sometimes go without seeing him for a week. You do remember this is Mr. Photosynthesis we’re talking about, right?”</p>
<p>“. . . but he sees Mingi everyday.”</p>
<p>“They’re roommates, Min. Of course they see each other everyday. Are you being serious right now?” </p>
<p>
  <em> He’s being condescending. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>He has a point.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Are you going to let him talk to you in that tone? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Shut up.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> You’re such a wuss. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>“I said shut the fuck up!”</b>
</p>
<p>Minhyun froze, hearing his voice bounce against the four walls of their room.</p>
<p>“. . . did you just curse at me?” Dongho sounded indignant.</p>
<p>To this, Minhyun buried his face deeper in his pillow. “Just leave me alone, please,” he muttered. He waited in silence for Dongho to scold him, but the slam of the door was the only response he got.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The next day, Minhyun finally managed to drag himself out of the room so he could get a decent meal. Dongho didn’t come back last night, but Minhyun couldn’t find it in him to worry that much. He figured his friend had crashed in Aaron’s apartment, or possibly Jonghyun and Mingi's shared room. </p>
<p>Something about the idea of Jonghyun sharing his bed with someone else left an ugly ripple in the pit of his stomach.</p>
<p>Minhyun pushed the thought away, determined to get some brunch. He’d hunt down Jonghyun after that, force him to talk to him like any reasonable person should, grovel at his feet and beg for forgiveness if he must.</p>
<p>Because as much as he’s annoyed with Dongho right now, his best friend had a point. It didn’t make sense for Jonghyun to hate him over something as stupid as his outburst in the library. For sure, there must be a reasonable explanation why he’d gone MIA and refused to answer his calls. Maybe his phone got stolen? Maybe he’s sick and had to be rushed to the hospital? Did Mingi force-feed him with one of his horrible creations again? He ought to . . .</p>
<p>“. . . like that.”</p>
<p>Minhyun paused before he could turn the corner. He knew that voice. It was the voice he had been longing to hear since Thursday evening. That low baritone that never failed to send comfort and warmth to his soul.</p>
<p>“Then what is it?”</p>
<p>Minhyun blinked. The second voice was familiar too. How could it be not? He heard it everyday—in the morning, before leaving for class, and in the evening, before tucking in. He trusted the owner of that voice. Sure, Jonghyun held a special place in his life, but this voice, this voice belonged to his best friend.</p>
<p>“He looked really down, you know. I’ve never seen him that way before.”</p>
<p>Minhyun risked a peek, and found Jonghyun and Dongho standing side by side, studying the vending machine in the dorm’s hallway. So did that mean Dongho slept over at Jonghyun and Mingi’s? Minhyun’s vision began to darken at the thought.</p>
<p>“It’s not that I’m not concerned,” Jonghyun sighed as he pressed a button. There was a clang, and Jonghyun fished out a can of cola from the machine. “But I don’t think what he’s doing is healthy.”</p>
<p>Dongho nodded. “He has been extra clingy with you since he came back from Japan. I mean, he’s always been clingy, but . . .”</p>
<p>Jonghyun popped open his can. “Normally I don’t mind, but he has to know that there are limits.” A pause as he took a sip. “I’m giving him time to reflect on his actions, that’s all.”</p>
<p>Dongho sighed. “I think Minhyun needs a more direct approach than that.”</p>
<p>Minhyun’s vision darkened some more, so that all he could see were splotches of ash and gray.</p>
<p>“I’ll deal with it then if I have to,” Jonghyun nodded. </p>
<p>
  <em> Look at that. Best friend’s stabbing you in the back. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Dongho won’t do that to me.</b>
</p>
<p>“Anyway, did you meet up with her? The girl Noona was talking about?” </p>
<p>Minhyun couldn’t see much anymore, but he did see Dongho’s cheeky smile as he elbowed Jonghyun teasingly.</p>
<p>
  <em> Are you sure about that? </em>
</p>
<p>“You mean Sana?” Jonghyun confirmed as he waited for Dongho to finish choosing his drink. “I’m seeing her for coffee this afternoon.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Dongho chuckled as he finally made up his mind and pressed a button. “And what did Mingi say?”</p>
<p>“He threatened to disown me if I bring her back to our room.”</p>
<p>Dongho’s laugh echoed in the hall, just as Minhyun’s vision faded to solid black.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>End of Chapter 6</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A had some interesting feedback for this chapter, so I really want to know what you guys think :')</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dream Avenue was a cozy place, filled with warm light and soft pastels. It was a popular date spot for uni students not only because of this, but because it served fantastic coffee and pastries. The cafe, as expected, was busy with the afternoon crowd. It wasn’t that packed, though, for Minhyun not to spot a familiar person sitting in one of the corner booths.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: Dark themes (+ light swearing).<br/>Happy ending not guaranteed.<br/>Proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“ . . . yung. Hyung.”</p>
<p>Minhyun blinked as his mind drifted back to consciousness. He looked around, wondering exactly where he was. In front of him stood two underclassmen—Daehwi and Somi—both members of the Communications Club he belonged in.</p>
<p>“Are you okay, Sunbae?” Somi asked worriedly.</p>
<p>Minhyun wrinkled his brows. Turning around, he found himself standing in front of Dream Avenue, the famous coffee place near their uni. </p>
<p>“Hyung?” Daehwi called out again. </p>
<p>Minhyun turned back to his two hoobae. “What . . . ?”</p>
<p>“You’ve been standing there spaced out for several minutes already,” Daehwi explained. “Are you all right?”</p>
<p>Minhyun tried to remember how he got <em> there</em>. What was he doing before this? Where had he been? Had he even eaten anything since this morning?</p>
<p>“Sunbae, you look pale,” Somi whispered. “Do you want to get something to drink?” she asked, turning to the cafe and waving a hand, as if inviting him in.</p>
<p>Minhyun followed her gesture, surveying the cafe’s interior through its huge glass window. Dream Avenue was a cozy place, filled with warm light and soft pastels. It was a popular date spot for uni students not only because of this, but because it served fantastic coffee and pastries. The cafe, as expected, was busy with the afternoon crowd. It wasn’t that packed, though, for Minhyun not to spot a familiar person sitting in one of the corner booths.</p>
<p>“Oh, isn’t that Jonghyun-sunbae?” Somi exclaimed. </p>
<p>“Should we say hi then?” Daehwi offered, already on his way to the cafe’s door.</p>
<p>
  <em> Yes. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>“No.”</b>
</p>
<p>Both underclassmen froze, obviously not used to hearing Minhyun use that voice.</p>
<p>Minhyun kept his eyes glued inside the cafe, watching as Jonghyun smiled softly at a pretty Japanese girl who was talking animatedly. As was his nature, Jonghyun appeared to be giving this girl his complete attention, sipping from his mug of steaming beverage every five seconds or so.</p>
<p>“S-sunbae?”</p>
<p>Minhyun exhaled slowly. He then flashed the two kids his usual winning smile. “We don’t want to disturb Jonghyun from his date, do we?”</p>
<p>The two underclassmen looked at each other, uncertain, and then nodded. “Of course,” Daehwi whispered.</p>
<p>“We’ll be heading back now then,” Somi mumbled, tugging on Daehwi’s sweater as she started to pull him away. “We’ll see you next week, Sunbae.”</p>
<p>Minhyun was certain that Daehwi said something else, but he just didn’t care. His eyes shifted back to Jonghyun’s date—Sana, if his memory served him correctly—and scrutinized her. She seemed friendly, smart, and if she could hold Jonghyun’s attention for that long, it meant that she had similar tastes as his friend. </p>
<p>Plus she looked absolutely stunning.</p>
<p>Minhyun found himself hating her something fierce.</p>
<p>
  <em> “Bitch.” </em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Minhyun opened his eyes when he heard a resigned sigh. He zoomed in on a pair of sneakers parked in front of him. Gazing up, he saw Jonghyun looking down at his slumped form.</p>
<p>“How long have you been there?” came Jonghyun’s gentle reprimand.</p>
<p>“I . . . I’m not sure,” Minhyun answered as he felt his ears redden in embarrassment. He had been observing Jonghyun and Sana for a while back at the cafe, when Jonghyun suddenly glanced outside, blinking in surprise when his and Minhyun's eyes met. The latter scampered away, rushing back to the dorms, unsure if he should go back to their room and face his two-faced best friend. He found himself standing in front of Jonghyun’s room instead. He could see the lights were on from underneath the door, but he couldn’t bring himself to knock, even when he knew Mingi would definitely let him in.</p>
<p>Jonghyun sighed again. “Why didn’t you go in then?”</p>
<p>“ . . . I’m not sure if I would be welcome,” Minhyun sobbed, covering his eyes. He felt Jonghyun kneel in front of him, his small hand patting Minhyun’s big head.</p>
<p>“Of course you’ll always be welcome in our room,” Jonghyun murmured, his other hand finding its way on Minhyun’s shoulder. “Why would you even think you won’t be?”</p>
<p>“But . . . but you haven’t spoken to me since . . . since Thursday in the library and . . . and . . . I’m so sorry, I’ll never do it again,” Minhyun cried, sobs wracking his tall frame. “Please don’t hate me, Jjuya. Please.”</p>
<p>
  <em> Crybaby. He’ll hate you more for that. </em>
</p>
<p>He felt gentle arms gather him in an embrace. “I don’t hate you, Minhyun-ah,” Jonghyun replied softly.</p>
<p>Minhyun cried louder, even as he buried his face against Jonghyun’s chest. It was such a relief, hearing it directly from Jonghyun, when Minhyun should have known from the start that his friend wouldn’t abandon him just like that.</p>
<p>
  <b>He won’t leave me. He promised.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Heh. He probably doesn’t even remember it anymore. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>But he did. </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Did he? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>He did.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Then don’t let him forget it. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>. . . I won’t let him forget it.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Good. </em>
</p>
<p>After a few more seconds, where Jonghyun gently kept patting his back, Minhyun heard the door open. Footsteps approached carefully.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” came Mingi's concerned question.</p>
<p>Minhyun felt Jonghyun shake his head. “He can sleep over, right?” </p>
<p>“Of course,” Mingi immediately responded. “ . . . we’ll be a tight fit, though.”</p>
<p>Minhyun looked up when he heard another set of footsteps coming their way. Through his tears, he saw, behind Mingi, stood Dongho. He was looking at him, eyes filled with questions. Something in Minhyun's chest tightened involuntarily.</p>
<p>" . . . you're sleeping here?"</p>
<p>Dongho looked away, scratching his nose awkwardly. "You said to leave you alone."</p>
<p>Minhyun found himself grasping his chest in pain—not the physical kind, but pain from realizing that his best friend since freshman year had practically abandoned him without so much as batting an eyelash. Dark splotches started to block his vision again.</p>
<p>
  <em> "You good-for-no—" </em>
</p>
<p>“Minhyun-ah!”</p>
<p>Minhyun paused in mid-curse upon hearing Jonghyun’s sharp rebuke. He turned, glaring at the lad, eyes furious as he prepared to lash out on him instead. Jonghyun met his glare head on. </p>
<p>Seconds passed, and neither moved. He wasn’t sure why, or how, but slowly, ever slowly, Minhyun began to see himself reflected in Jonghyun’s eyes. Except the person he saw in them wasn’t really him, but a version of himself that he barely knew.</p>
<p>Then, from his best friend: "I'm sorry."</p>
<p>Minhyun felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water all over him. He kept his eyes focused on Jonghyun, even as he felt Dongho fumble somewhere beside him. </p>
<p>". . . what?"</p>
<p>"I'm sorry for running away," Dongho murmured. "I shouldn't have left you alone even though you had told me to."</p>
<p>The darkness began to fade away, slowly, quietly. Minhyun could see Jonghyun clearly now, his stare less intense, but still concerned. There was a mixture of sadness, worry, and helplessness in Jonghyun’s eyes. But there was love, too, genuine love and warmth and concern.</p>
<p>Minhyun held his breath and waited. And waited. And for the first time in a long while, he realized that there was no second voice whispering, screaming, in his head anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>End of Chapter 7</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A note on the different font styles for Minhyun's thoughts and speeches (regular, bold, italics, bold italics). Yes, they're a bit confusing. No, they're not errors in style. I'll let you guys figure out which one's which.</p>
<p>Anyway.</p>
<p>This is far from over, folks.</p>
<p>Also, this is the first chapter that made me really sad while I was writing it. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. But thank you to everyone who has left comments and kudos. We're at 100 kudos as of this posting! THANK YOU SO MUCH. I really, REALLY appreciate them T_T</p>
<p>Much love to A, as always.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Minhyun swallowed, turned his head to the other side, and found Jonghyun’s peaceful sleeping face, his eyes closed, lips partly open. Minhyun blinked a couple more times, just to make sure Jonghyun wouldn’t disappear in front of him.</p><p>He didn’t.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: Dark themes.<br/>Happy ending not guaranteed.<br/>Proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Two and a half years ago . . . </em>
</p><p>“You’re sooo cute, Mingi-ya~” Aaron cooed as he wrapped his arms around Mingi's lithe frame. Mingi tried to get away, but he was currently sandwiched between Aaron and Jonghyun in the small corner booth they were huddled in.</p><p>“Noona, please tell Hyung to get his greasy paws off me.”</p><p>Ji-eun laughed as she flipped a piece of samgyeopsal from the burner. “It’s okay, Mingi-ya,” she grinned. “I don’t mind sharing Yeong-ung with you.”</p><p>“I <em> don’t </em>want him,” Mingi growled, pushing Aaron’s face off his shoulder. “I already got my hands full with J-Rie.”</p><p>Jonghyun smiled as he wrapped a piece of lettuce around a slice of beef and brought it to Mingi's mouth. “You make it sound like living with me is such a bother,” he chuckled as Mingi opened his mouth to accept the food offering.</p><p>“I didn’t say that,” Mingi muttered as he chewed, still trying to push Aaron away. </p><p>Jonghyun grinned cheekily as he wiped Mingi's lips with a tissue. “Good to know then.”</p><p>Minhyun smiled at the going-ons in front of him. Beside him Dongho chewed happily, knowing that he didn’t have to pay for their meal—Aaron had insisted that he would treat them to dinner because he had aced his Accountancy test that morning.</p><p>Minhyun enjoyed these little outings with his friends. They served as a much needed break, a distraction, especially now that he’s waiting for the results of his pending application for the exchange program.</p><p>“You’re not eating, Minhyun-ah.”</p><p>Minhyun blinked, and found Jonghyun with his right arm extended across the table. In his hand was another wrapped samgyup, only this time, he was offering it to Minhyun and not Mingi.</p><p>“Here, eat this.”</p><p>Minhyun wasn’t sure what had gotten into him, but instead of taking the food with his hands like he normally would, he opened his mouth, as if he were expecting Jonghyun to feed him the same way he had fed Mingi a few minutes ago.</p><p>Dongho snorted in amusement while Ji-eun grinned as a doting noona would. Across the table Minhyun saw Mingi wrinkling his nose, as if offended. Minhyun was about to pull back in embarrassment when Jonghyun smiled softly and guided the samgyup into his waiting mouth. Minhyun bit into it, as if on autopilot, and chewed.</p><p>“It’s good, huh?” Jonghyun smiled, even as he took the other half of the wrap and put it in his own mouth.</p><p>Minhyun nodded blankly. As he swallowed, he felt that not only his stomach was filled, but also his heart.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em> Present day . . . </em>
</p><p>Minhyun blinked back heavy eyelids as he tried to grasp the last tendrils of his fading dream. No, it wasn’t a dream, it was a memory, something that hadn’t crossed his mind in years. Why was it coming back to him now?</p><p>Someone shifted beside him, and for a split-second, Minhyun froze, suddenly aware that he was not in his bed. Where was he again?</p><p>Risking a peek, he found Dongho’s open mouth hovering too close for comfort. His best friend was snoring lightly, dead to the world. Images forced their way back to Minhyun’s consciousness—of him breaking down in front of Jonghyun and Mingi's dorm room, of Dongho apologizing, of Mingi guiding him into the room. And of Jonghyun, Jonghyun who allowed him to continue gripping his hand, Jonghyun who suggested they all sleep on the floor, Jonghyun who tucked him in before lying down beside him, who gently patted his shoulder and hummed a small tune until Minhyun fell asleep.</p><p>Minhyun swallowed, turned his head to the other side, and found Jonghyun’s peaceful sleeping face, his eyes closed, lips partly open. Minhyun blinked a couple more times, just to make sure Jonghyun wouldn’t disappear in front of him.</p><p>He didn’t.</p><p>Sighing, Minhyun carefully turned and faced his friend, just as a shock of peach hair caught his attention. Minhyun squinted, and saw that Mingi had his arm around Jonghyun’s waist, acting like a big spoon. Minhyun paused, quietly waiting for his other voice to pop in. He was graced with silence instead.</p><p>Drawing a shaky breath, Minhyun carefully reached out and gently pushed Mingi's arm away, replacing it with his own. When neither boy moved, Minhyun took his chance and rested his forehead against Jonghyun’s chest.</p><p>Things might be awkward in the morning, but for now, Minhyun didn’t care. A small smile remained on his lips as he slowly faded back to sleep.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em> Two years ago . . . </em>
</p><p>“There you are.”</p><p>Minhyun looked up from his hunched position on the veranda, only to find Jonghyun, smiling his usual kind smile.</p><p>“Found me.”</p><p>Jonghyun grinned and handed him a can of grapefruit juice. He then plopped himself beside Minhyun and opened his own can of cola.</p><p>“Dongho’s currently searching for you downstairs, you know.”</p><p>Minhyun shrugged. “Let him. This stupid party’s his idea anyway, not mine.”</p><p>Jonghyun shook his head in amusement. “What are you doing, hiding out here? Can’t have a send-off party without the person we’re sending off, you know.”</p><p>Minhyun smiled thinly and hid his face in between his arms. “Why are we even celebrating? Are you guys that happy to get rid of me?”</p><p>He heard Jonghyun chuckle beside him. “We’re celebrating because we’re seeing your dreams come true one by one. And it’s not like you’ll never come back from Japan, right?”</p><p>Minhyun wrinkled his nose, even though Jonghyun couldn’t see his face. “I’m not even sure if this is really my dream or my mom’s.”</p><p>He was answered with silence. Minhyun looked up and saw Jonghyun staring far ahead, like he was seeing a future that Minhyun couldn’t quite see.</p><p>“Jjuya?”</p><p>Jonghyun turned to him and grinned. “I think you’ll do great in Japan,” he said with conviction. And then, kindly, “But if you think it’s not for you, then you don’t have to go.”</p><p>Minhyun smiled softly. It was so like Jonghyun to give encouragement and offer simple yet realistic solutions at the same time. Maybe that was why it was so easy for him to bare his heart to Jonghyun, sometimes more than Dongho, when technically, Dongho was his best friend.</p><p>“My mom would kill me if I back out from this now. Not after all the prep I did.”</p><p>“Kill is overreaching,” Jonghyun shrugged. “Disown is more likely.”</p><p>“Ah, you jerk!” Minhyun exclaimed, playfully hitting Jonghyun’s arm. </p><p>Jonghyun laughed, then turned serious. “I know your mom can be overbearing sometimes,” he said. “But this is your life, Minhyun-ah. You should have a say on what happens to it.”</p><p>Minhyun looked away, sadness enveloping his heart. “Noona tried that,” he whispered. “Didn’t get her very far, huh?” In the back of his mind, Minhyun could still see Sujin, risking everything, fighting for her passion despite their mother’s interference, and then succumbing to filial duty in the end. It hurt to see his sister broken, so much that Minhyun promised himself that he would never be like her, that he would carefully weigh his options before making decisions, that he would only fight battles he knows he could win.</p><p>Jonghyun’s kind smile was back. “I think Sujin-noona trying at all is a feat in itself.”</p><p>Minhyun felt hope bloom in his heart. “Maybe someday,” he answered, then quietly pushed the thought away, as if that in itself was a luxury he didn’t deserve. </p><p>“I’ll be waiting for that day,” Jonghyun replied.</p><p>Minhyun felt a quick punch in his chest—one, two. Grinning, he wrapped his arms around Jonghyun and planted his chin against his friend’s shoulder. “Just admit you’ll miss me when I leave~”</p><p>Jonghyun laughed. “Glad to see you’re back to being your old clingy self.” And then, flicking Minhyun’s forehead, he smiled. “Of course I’ll miss you. We all will.”</p><p>Minhyun returned Jonghyun’s smile. “Then I’ll fly to Japan.”</p><p>Jonghyun chuckled. “That’s the worst reason to fly but whatever floats your boat.” A genuine smile. “I’ll support you either way.”</p><p>Minhyun closed his eyes and hummed. “You always do.” Then, snapping his eyes open, he asked, almost pleading, “Promise me you always will?”</p><p>Jonghyun reached out to pat Minhyun’s head. “I promise.”</p><p>
  <b>End of Chapter 8</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*Yeong-ung = Kwak Hero (IU's pet name for Aaron)</p><p>Hello! It's been a while, hasn't it? Stuff happened, I got distracted, but look! A new chapter! Who would've thought?</p><p>Thank you, A, for the helpful feedback, especially toward the last part. And for finally releasing this chapter from beta jail. I promise to make you proud! </p><p>Keep safe, folks. Wash your hands, stay at home (if you can), and practice social distancing. And don't forget to love each other!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Minhyun felt the hair on the back of his neck stand in attention. Goosebumps covered his arms. He pressed his palms more closely against his ears. Fresh tears flowed out, only this time, it had nothing to do with his mother’s disappointment in him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: Dark themes.<br/>Happy ending not guaranteed.<br/>Proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>One year ago . . .</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll go ahead, Hwang-san,” Kenta called out from the doorway. “I’ll see you during study hall, yes?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun flashed his roommate a thin smile as he waited for him to leave. Once he was sure that he was all alone, Minhyun reopened his laptop and reread his sister’s message:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Minhyunnie, Eomma keeps asking me why you won’t take her calls. I’m running out of excuses. Please don’t make me the bearer of bad news. You know she likes shooting the messenger. Call her, please? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun closed his laptop and banged his forehead against his desk. It’s been two weeks since he last spoke with his mother, and their conversation was anything but pleasant. How could it be, when she spent half an hour reminding him what a privilege it was to be accepted in the student exchange program, and how he should “prove his worth” by acing all his subjects during his one-year stint in Tokyo U? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re carrying our family name,” she had told him over and over again. “Don’t fail us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Except that’s exactly what he did, if his latest exam scores were any indication. Minhyun had never seen so many check marks on his test papers before. It didn’t help that he was still adjusting to the language and culture of a new country. Four months into the new school year and he hasn’t even made any friends, except for Kenta and one or two other classmates.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why the hell did he apply for this stupid student exchange program again?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Because you want to prove to yourself that you’re better than everyone else.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun whipped his head around, thinking that Kenta had suddenly come back. But there was no one in the room with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is someone there?” Minhyun whispered as fear gripped his heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No one answered back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Ten months ago . . .</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am really disappointed in you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun felt his heart drop to his stomach as soon as he heard his mother’s words over the phone. In the background he heard Sujin growl an indignant “Eomma!” but not even that could lift his spirits the tiniest bit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you know how privileged you are to be there right now?” his mother continued, paying Sujin no heed. “Can’t you do any better?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m trying my very best,” Minhyun whispered, biting his lower lip to stop himself from sobbing. The sharp taste of iron suddenly filled his mouth. In his despair, he didn’t even realize he had bitten himself so hard that he started to bleed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well you’re not trying hard enough!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun slammed his phone down his desk as his sobs filled the room. He could still hear his mother yelling from the other line, and then Sujin, arguing with her, but he didn’t even have enough strength to end the call. He continued sobbing, until finally, the welcome busy tone of the phone came through.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then a soft whisper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Is that all you’ll ever do?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun froze, and slowly lifted his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who’s there?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>All you ever do is cry. It’s sickening, really.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I said who’s there!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m in here, idiot.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“W-what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>In heeeereeeee~</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun covered his ears, tears all but forgotten. “W-who are you? What do you want from me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m you, stupid. Don’t you recognize your own voice?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun felt the hair on the back of his neck stand in attention. Goosebumps covered his arms. He pressed his palms more closely against his ears. Fresh tears flowed out, only this time, it had nothing to do with his mother’s disappointment in him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I . . . no. You are not real,” he whispered. Then, louder, “You are not real!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A condescending laugh, almost a screech. It made Minhyun grit his teeth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m only as real as you are, Hwang Minhyun.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His phone rang, suddenly, the ringing noise shattering the silence inside the room. Minhyun jumped, swatting his phone, sending it bouncing down the floor. It continued ringing, its rhythm in sync with the rapid thudding of his heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carefully, Minhyun kneeled and, with hands cold and clammy, picked up his phone off the floor. The name </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jjuya</span>
  </em>
  <span> flashed on the screen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun hesitated, silently listening for the other voice, ready to bolt the second it spoke another word. But only the shrill ringing of his phone filled his ears. Finally, he thumbed at his screen, accepting Jonghyun’s call.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“H-hello?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Minhyun-ah?” Jonghyun’s worried voice carried through the other line. “Are you okay? You sound weird.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jjuya,” Minhyun breathed. In the background, he heard Dongho shouting something about turning on the video call option so they could see him, and Aaron and Mingi arguing about something nonsensical.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun thumped his chest hard to hold in his sobs. “Y-yes,” he coughed. “Yes, I’m okay.” He sighed in relief.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m okay now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Present day . . .</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you tell us?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dongho didn’t sound accusing, something Minhyun was extremely grateful for. After all, it was already taking all he has to share a fraction of what’s going on with him, and he has barely even scratched the surface. Minhyun wasn’t sure what he’d do if Dongho or Jonghyun, two of his most trusted friends, judged him poorly because of his revelation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I . . . I didn’t think you’d understand.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beside him, Jonghyun remained quiet, as he usually did whenever serious discussions were going on. Still, Minhyun felt relief when his friend wrapped a reassuring arm around his shoulder, as if telling him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m here, nothing’s changed, I’m still here.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re your friends. Of course we’ll understand,” Dongho replied, reaching out to gently squeeze Minhyun’s hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were all on Minhyun’s bed, three friends convening in hopes of figuring out how to best help Minhyun with his “unique situation.” For once, it wasn’t Minhyun that had his arms around Jonghyun, but the other way around. Minhyun still wasn’t sure if he had the right to be happy about it, not after his meltdown the previous day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had been an awkward morning, just as he had predicted, waking up to find not just Jonghyun, but also Dongho and Mingi quietly watching him, as he tightened his hold against Jonghyun before realizing what he had done. Minhyun had pushed himself off quickly, his mind already planning a clean escape, when Jonghyun reached out and gripped his shoulder, telling him in not-so-many words to calm the hell down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An hour later and Minhyun found himself back in his dorm room, with Dongho and Jonghyun in tow. Mingi had wanted to tag along, until Jonghyun reminded him that he had an early lecture. Mingi huffed, puffed, and then threw a plushie onto Jonghyun’s head before stalking to the bathroom to start prepping for class.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Minhyun murmured after minutes of quiet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter,” Dongho shook his head. “Actually it does, but that’s not important right now.” He scratched his cheek, which was what he usually did when he’s trying to find the right words to say. It reminded Minhyun of how Dongho, so tough and brusque-looking, was actually very kind, a person who wore his heart on his sleeve, who loved and protected his friends as much as he could.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What I’m trying to say is,” Dongho huffed after a few seconds, “we’ll always be here for you, and it doesn’t matter how simple or complicated you think your concern is. Just tell them as it is, and we’ll listen. And, well,” he paused, as if embarrassed, probably because he knew he had been in the wrong, too, “if we don’t react the way you’re hoping, feel free to school us like a good friend would do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun chuckled despite the tears that threatened to spill. “You acted pretty stupidly back there, huh?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dongho blushed a light shade of pink. “Well, you did, too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And they grinned at each other, roommates, best friends, brothers once more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jonghyun then gently squeezed Minhyun’s shoulder and cleared his throat. That meant he was ready to speak up. That meant he already had a solution on hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun held his breath in anticipation. Or dread. Maybe a bit of both.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you should talk to someone who could help with these things.” And before Minhyun could feel that he was being treated as mental, Jonghyun squeezed his shoulder one more time. “This doesn’t make you a crazy person, Minhyun-ah. It makes you brave.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun wasn’t sure how consulting a specialist equated to being brave, and he voiced out his misgivings, too. “Eomma will never let me do it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then don’t tell her,” Jonghyun shrugged. “I love my parents, but I don’t tell them everything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In front of them, Dongho chuckled. “You try to act like a cool dobermann but we all know you’re a cute maltese.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jonghyun made a face but chose not to dignify Dongho’s jibe with a response. He turned to Minhyun instead. “So how about it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun bit his lip, and looked from one friend to the other. Both were smiling softly at him, as if silently telling him to face his fears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“W-will you go with me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dongho and Jonghyun exchanged looks, and responded, one after the other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t even have to ask.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minhyun tried not to choke on his tears.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>End of Chapter 9</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter was a bit tricky to write. I only hope I have done the characters (and the story) justice.</p>
<p>With much love and gratitude to A, as always ^^</p>
<p>Keep safe, everyone!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Minhyun bit his lip as he felt Jonghyun’s steady hand on his shoulder. He offered him a nervous smile. “I mean . . . I don’t really have to do this, right? I’m not crazy.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: Dark themes.<br/>Happy ending not guaranteed.<br/>Proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I don’t think I can do this.”</p><p>Minhyun watched as Jonghyun raised his eyebrows in surprise. They were already inside the health center, supposedly so Minhyun could have his preliminary consultation with the specialist that their university had recommended. </p><p>He wanted to do it, he really did, but his feet automatically pivoted back toward the front door. Minhyun would have made it outside too, had it not been for Dongho, who, as luck would have it, was standing directly behind him when they first came in.</p><p>“Min,” Dongho said, in a tone meant to calm him down. “Are you sure?”</p><p>Minhyun bit his lip as he felt Jonghyun’s steady hand on his shoulder. He offered him a nervous smile. “I mean . . . I don’t really have to do this, right? I’m <em> not </em> crazy<em>.</em>”</p><p>Jonghyun smiled softly. “Nobody said you are,” he reassured him. “But don’t you want to know how we can help you? How <em> you </em> can help yourself?”</p><p>Minhyun glanced back at Dongho, as if asking him to back him up. His best friend offered a lopsided smile instead. “Normally I don’t like agreeing with Jonghyun, but he’s kinda right.”</p><p>Minhyun knew Dongho was just trying to make him feel less nervous, and he hated how it was working. “All right then,” he exhaled. “All right.”</p><p>“If it helps, I haven’t told Mingi about this. And I won’t, if you don’t want me to,” Jonghyun told him, squeezing his shoulder.</p><p>Minhyun loved him all the more for it. </p><p>“I . . . can I tell him and Aaron-hyung and Ji-Eun-noona when I’m ready? I want to do it myself.”</p><p>Jonghyun smiled softly, pride in his eyes. “Of course. Take all the time you need.”</p><p>“Promise you’ll wait for me?”</p><p>He received two warm smiles in return.</p><p>The following sessions became easier to go to. Jonghyun stayed true to his promise to be with Minhyun during his consultations. Often, it meant going to his appointments with him, sitting in the waiting area, DS Lite in hand, as Minhyun spent an hour talking to someone who could help process what he’s going through. Dongho often went with them, but it was hard for him to stay still, so he usually waited in the garden, sometimes singing, sometimes doing push-ups. </p><p>Minhyun knew; he could see Dongho from the consultation room’s window.</p><p>***</p><p>“Where’s Aaron-hyung?” Mingi asked, as he stretched long arms upward, obviously comfortable in his current position, his back against the picnic mat, his head pillowed against Jonghyun’s lap.</p><p>The sun shone brightly, kissing their skins. A cool breeze blew from the east, tickling their noses. Students walked lazily around them, enjoying the last day of the school week. And then there’s them, plopped in the middle of the university quad, after Ji-Eun said she wanted an impromptu picnic because she had missed her boys.</p><p>“He and Noona are on their way,” Dongho answered, biting into an apple slice. “They just needed to drop by somewhere first, he said.”</p><p>“Hm,” Mingi pouted, as he grabbed the container with cookies in it. “They said to be here by four, but they’re the ones who're late.”</p><p>Minhyun twisted in his spot as Mingi popped one of the cookies into Jonghyun's waiting mouth. Jonghyun smiled warmly at the gesture, chewing thoughtfully, as he picked up a grape and pushed it against Mingi’s lips.</p><p>Controlling the urge to be jealous of Jonghyun and Mingi’s relationship was a challenge, something that Minhyun had to consciously make himself do. Mostly it meant looking the other way whenever he was in the same room as them. Or pinching his palms and biting his lips, if he had no choice but to look.</p><p>He had made peace with the fact that the two boys’ friendship was special—that’s what usually happens when you’ve been friends for most of your lives. It didn’t mean he could get over his own feelings of jealousy overnight though. </p><p>And it wasn’t that he hated Mingi—Minhyun loved his friend, that much he was sure of—it was just . . . he also wanted what Mingi had with Jonghyun. </p><p>He wanted Jonghyun to treat him the same way he treated Mingi, his best friend.</p><p>“Try these Bugi Buns, Min,” Dongho suddenly chirped, pushing a box filled with turtle-shaped pastries toward him. “I bought it from Canvas Cafe down the road.”</p><p>Minhyun knew Dongho was—<em>finally</em>—aware of what he was going through. He had seen it in his best friend’s eyes, the way he would try to distract him whenever Jonghyun and Mingi did one of their usual banters. He supposed he should be thankful for Dongho; they had gone through a rough patch a few weeks’ back, but they’ve reconciled since then, complete with tears and snot and manly hugs. Jonghyun was there to witness some of it (and listen to Minhyun’s confession about his time in Japan), before he had to run off to attend to his own class.</p><p>Minhyun quickly turned to his best friend, automatically picking a piece of pastry from the box. “Thanks,” he murmured, grateful for the distraction.</p><p>Ji-Eun’s perky voice suddenly filled the air. “Sorry we’re late!”</p><p>Minhyun looked up and found Aaron and Ji-Eun walking toward them, hand in hand. A few steps behind followed a familiar person, a pretty girl with a charming smile.</p><p>
  <em> Sana. </em>
</p><p>“I asked Sana-chan to come with us!” Ji-Eun chirped as she lightly hit Mingi’s legs, forcing him to sit up properly. Mingi pouted but pulled himself up. And if he had scooted closer to Jonghyun, well, perhaps only Minhyun noticed it.</p><p>“Hi, Jonghyun-ssi!” Sana exclaimed, before she turned to greet everyone else. “Hello! I’m Sana!”</p><p>Murmured greetings chimed in one by one as the newcomers found their spots on the picnic mat. Ji-Eun rolled her eyes and picked up a strawberry from the basket of fruits. “Stop being stiff, you lot,” she chuckled. “This is not the first time you’ve seen a girl, right?”</p><p>“They don’t consider you a girl anymore, IU,” Aaron joked, earning him a quick jab to the stomach.</p><p>“It’s because you don’t teach them manners,” Ji-Eun snorted unlady-like, then grinned silly when Aaron planted a quick kiss on her forehead. She picked up a pear and looked around. “Who’s got a paring knife?”</p><p>“Ah, it’s here,” Minhyun murmured, rummaging through the box of utensils. He carefully picked it up by the blade, intending to hand over the knife handle-first to his Noona. When he looked up, he found Sana reaching out toward Jonghyun, tissue in hand.</p><p>“You’re quite a messy eater, Jonghyun-ssi,” she chuckled, wiping cookie crumbs off Jonghyun’s chin. Jonghyun flushed beet red. Even Mingi looked surprised, and maybe slightly offended.</p><p>Minhyun felt, rather than saw, tiny specks of red popping from the side of his vision. When Sana smiled brightly at Jonghyun, laughing at his awkwardness, the specks started covering more space. And when Jonghyun shyly smiled back, Minhyun found himself seeing red everywhere.</p><p>Pain crawled from his left hand toward his heart.</p><p>"Min!"</p><p>Minhyun looked up and found Dongho, reaching out for him. It felt like deja vu, how everyone was staring in horror, only this time there's one extra, unwelcome, witness to his breakdown.</p><p>"Minhyun-ah," Jonghyun whispered urgently, voice calm and soothing. Minhyun turned and found him with the most worried look on his face. "Please let go of the knife."</p><p>Minhyun looked down and found himself gripping the blade of the knife tightly. Blood, his blood, dripped down the picnic mat.</p><p>"Please, Minhyun-ah."</p><p>Minhyun looked up but found that he couldn’t see Jonghyun anymore. He couldn't see anyone.</p><p>From somewhere deep within, he heard quiet manic laughter.</p><p>Then a soft whisper.</p><p>
  <em> Missed me? </em>
</p><p>
  <b>End of Chapter 10</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We're down to our last 3-4 chapters! Hold on to your seats; it might get a little bumpy &gt;_&lt;</p><p>Thank you, A, for releasing this chapter from beta jail ^^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Jjuya,” Minhyun whispered, grabbing Sujin with his uninjured hand. “Where’s Jjuya? Where’s Dong and Hyung and . . .” he paused, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning:<br/>Dark themes (+ swearing and violence)<br/>Happy ending not guaranteed.<br/>Proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Screams. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> A familiar voice yelling out his name. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Laughter. Manic laughter inside his head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Red. So much red. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Nothingness. </em>
</p><p>Minhyun bolted up and found himself in a hospital bed. He heard scuffling beside him, and in a matter of seconds, his sister Sujin appeared by his side, holding onto his shoulder and helping him ease his way back down.</p><p>“Noona?” Minhyun rasped. He felt lightheaded and confused. Why was he back in the hospital? Did he have another allergic reaction?</p><p>“Try to relax, Minmin,” Sujin murmured. She hasn’t used her pet name for him in a long time. Was there a special occasion?</p><p>“Noona,” Minhyun repeated, his voice tinged with urgency. “Why are we here?”</p><p>Minhyun watched as a crack formed in Sujin’s usual cool and calm composure. Sujin tried to quickly cover it up with a reassuring smile. “Why don’t you try to get some rest first, okay?”</p><p>Minhyun lifted his hand to reach out for his sister, and found that it had been bandaged tightly.</p><p>“W-what?”</p><p>
  <em> Cursing.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> So much cursing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Red against a blue shirt. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> So much red. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Screams.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blood-curdling screams.  </em>
</p><p>“Jjuya,” Minhyun whispered, grabbing Sujin with his uninjured hand. “Where’s Jjuya? Where’s Dong and Hyung and . . .” he paused, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.</p><p>“They’re . . .” Sujin started, when the door quietly slid open. He and Sujin turned at the same time and found Dongho walking in the room. There’s a small bandage across his cheek, as well as several patches along his arms. He was smiling his usual bright smile, but somehow, it didn’t quite reach his eyes.</p><p>“Dong,” Minhyun breathed. “What happened to you?” Blurred pictures assaulted him—a glint of a blade against the afternoon sun, a look of pain replacing Dongho’s usual sunny smile. All of them tinted with red. Cold realization slowly crawled up his throat, threatening to choke him. “Did . . . did I do that?”</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Dongho answered, obviously evading the question. He took a careful step forward, assessing the room as a soldier would a field filled with landmines.</p><p>Minhyun frowned. “Dong. Tell me what happened.”</p><p>Dongho and Sujin looked at each other, communicating silently. Sujin tilted her head, as if giving permission for Dongho to speak up. The young man sighed, scratched his bandaged cheek, and made his way into the available chair.</p><p>“What’s the last thing you remember?”</p><p>Minhyun shook his head. “I . . . red. All I could see was red.”</p><p>Dongho pressed his lips together as he tried to come up with the right thing to say. He sighed again and gestured helplessly, words failing him.</p><p>Minhyun felt his heart drop. He had been doing so well the past few weeks. Why did everything have to come crashing down just when he thought he was finally getting better?</p><p>“Did . . . did I hurt anyone else? How’s Ji-eun-noona?”</p><p>“Noona’s fine. She’s more shocked than anything, but she isn’t hurt.” Dongho paused. “She and Hyung are okay.”</p><p>“And Mingi . . . ?”</p><p>“. . . Mingi’s fine. Sana, too.”</p><p><em> Sana</em>. The reason for his sudden outburst. Yet Minhyun couldn’t even find the strength to hate her for it, knowing she wasn’t at fault. None of them were.</p><p>Minhyun delayed asking about Jonghyun, because something in his gut was telling him that he wouldn’t like the answer he’d get. He still asked anyway. “And Jjuya?”</p><p>He heard Sujin try to suppress a sniff somewhere to the side. Even Dongho looked uncomfortable in his seat. </p><p>“What happened, Dong? What are you not telling me?”</p><p>
  <em> You missed, that’s what happened. </em>
</p><p>
  <b>. . . what?</b>
</p><p>Images suddenly flashed before his eyes, one after another, in rapid succession, until they all blended into one scene.</p><p>
  <em> Of Jonghyun, reaching out, trying to coax the knife away from his hand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Of Sana, placing a hand on Jonghyun’s arm, trying to pull him back, saying it’s dangerous. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Of him, lunging forward between Mingi and Sana, who were seated side by side, screaming, “Stop touching him, you bitch!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Of Jonghyun, jumping in front of them, shielding his best friend, grabbing the blade of the knife, wrestling with him on the mat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Of Dongho, yelling and yanking him back, joining in the scuffle, a three-way rumble. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Of Aaron, grabbing Ji-eun and pulling her behind him, protecting her from any harm. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Of Mingi, screaming, screaming with Sana, screaming out Jonghyun’s name, as Jonghyun collapsed, knife firmly sticking out his torso. </em>
</p><p>Minhyun bent forward and clutched his head. “Dong,” he winced, keeping his eyes closed. “Where’s Jjuya?”</p><p>“. . . he’s resting in another room.”</p><p>Minhyun looked up, relief and longing reflected in his eyes. “I want to see him.”</p><p>Dongho bit his lip and looked away. Sujin stepped forward, gently placing a hand on Dongho’s shoulder as she looked straight into Minhyun’s eyes. “I’m afraid that’s not possible right now, Minhyun-ah.”</p><p>Minhyun furrowed his brow. “Why not?”</p><p>Sujin smiled sadly as she gestured toward the door. “They won’t let you near him,” she explained as gently as she could. “Jonghyun’s parents, they filed for a TRO.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>End of Chapter 11</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>TRO - Temporary Restraining Order</p><p>I mean, if I were Jonghyun's parents, I'd do that too (&gt;_&lt;)</p><p>Thank you so much for the worried comments. I could feel how much you all love Minhyun and are genuinely concerned for him :')</p><p>Thanks, A, for helping me work out the issues in this chapter :')</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Thank you,” Minhyun whispered to no one in particular, after a few seconds of quiet.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” his father whispered back, looking away. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to protect you sooner.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning:<br/>Dark themes (+ swearing)<br/>Proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Things are looking preeeetty bad, huh? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>. . .</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> What? No comeback? Fox got your tongue? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Why don’t you just leave me alone.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> And waste the chance to laugh at your misery? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Eat shit and die.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Then you’d be dead too, dumbass. </em>
</p>
<p>“Minhyun-ah.”</p>
<p>Minhyun was rudely awakened from the noise inside his head by another noise—an external one this time, but one that was more unwelcome than the voice inside his head. Looking up from staring at his thin fingers for far too long, he found his mother glaring disapprovingly at him. A few steps behind her stood Sujin and their father, both looking resigned, if not a bit exasperated.</p>
<p>“Eomma,” Minhyun whispered, not even finding the strength to sigh. </p>
<p>“What have you gotten yourself into this time?” The Hwang matriarch did not really mince with her words, that much Minhyun knew. Still, it hurt a bit to be talked down to like that, especially when he was still confined in a hospital bed.</p>
<p>“We don’t have to talk about this right now,” Minhyun’s father tried to reason with his wife, but he was shushed instead. </p>
<p>Minhyun saw Sujin roll her eyes, not even bothering to be discreet about it anymore. “Seriously, Eomma,” she called out in her most diplomatic voice—Minhyun could tell she was <em> really </em> trying—“can’t you at least wait until we’re back home?”</p>
<p>“This is the problem with you two,” their mother hissed. “You tolerate Minhyun’s mistakes too much. This is why he won’t grow up.”</p>
<p>“I’m trying my best, Eomma,” Minhyun bit back, clenching his fists on his lap. “For years I’ve been trying.”</p>
<p>Minhyun’s mother looked affronted. “You dare answer back now?” </p>
<p>“Would you listen to me if I did otherwise?”</p>
<p>“I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for you!”</p>
<p>Minhyun sighed. He was tired, so very tired. “Then please get off my back just this once.” He looked up, eyes pleading, heart worn. “Please, Eomma. Please leave me alone.”</p>
<p>The Hwang matriarch turned to her husband, as if expecting him to back her up. She received a frown instead.</p>
<p>“Leave him be.”</p>
<p>Minhyun’s mother huffed, obviously not used to <em> not </em> getting what she wanted. She glared one last time at her family, then stomped off the room and angrily slammed the door.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Minhyun whispered to no one in particular, after a few seconds of quiet.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” his father whispered back, looking away. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to protect you sooner.”</p>
<p>Minhyun wanted to cry, but he had already spent what was left of his tears when Sujin told him about the restraining order. Instead, he muttered a soft thank you, and excused himself, turning his back against his family and pulling the blanket over his head.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Ready to go?”</p>
<p>Minhyun pulled himself away from the window and found Aaron standing in the doorway, gift basket in hand. Beside him stood Ji-eun, who immediately came in the room and extended her arms for a hug.</p>
<p>“Noona,” Minhyun breathed as he folded in Ji-eun’s embrace. “I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>“Hush,” Ji-eun whispered, patting his back comfortingly. “There’s time for that later.” She pulled herself away, gave Minhyun a quick peck on the forehead, and squeezed his arms affectionately. “I’ll go say hi to the boys in the other room and then I’ll hurry back, okay?”</p>
<p>Minhyun nodded and watched as Ji-eun hurried off, giving Aaron’s arm a loving squeeze before she disappeared from view.</p>
<p>“She’s a keeper, that one,” Minhyun smiled. “Don’t ever let her go, Hyung.”</p>
<p>Aaron snorted. “You don’t have to tell me that.” He smiled softly as he placed the gift basket on the vacant table. “All packed?”</p>
<p>Minhyun nodded at his bag on the hospital bed. “Sujin-noona and Dongho are on their way with the rest of my stuff.”</p>
<p>“All right,” Aaron replied, eyes crinkling in a kind smile. “I called the center to tell them we’re coming in today.”</p>
<p>“Thank you so much for doing this, Hyung.” A pause. “And for, you know, helping with Sana.” Actually, it was more of Ji-eun who had convinced her friend not to file assault charges against Minhyun, but he knew Aaron had helped, too.</p>
<p>Aaron shook his head and reached out to pat Minhyun’s shoulder. “You’re family.” He tilted his head toward the door. “You’re not saying goodbye to them?”</p>
<p>Minhyun looked away, fighting the emptiness from overpowering him again. He had wanted to see Jonghyun and Mingi ever since he remembered what he had done, but Jonghyun’s room was three floors up. Besides, the TRO prevented him from visiting Jonghyun anyway. As for Mingi, well, Minhyun couldn’t really blame him for not dropping by to say hi. After all, had Jonghyun not stopped him back then, Minhyun was certain the knife would have found itself embedded somewhere in Mingi instead.</p>
<p>“I’m not allowed near Jonghyun’s room, remember?”</p>
<p>“Ah.” </p>
<p>Minhyun turned and eyed his Hyung curiously. Something in his voice, that small inflection, threatened to give him hope. And hope was not something Minhyun needed nor deserved.</p>
<p>Aaron furrowed his brow. “Dongho had already left by then so he still doesn’t know.” </p>
<p>“Know about what?”</p>
<p>Aaron smiled kindly. “Jonghyun,” he explained, thumbing the door for emphasis. “He convinced his parents to cancel the TRO.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>End of Chapter 12</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A song from one of my favorite bands, MAE, has this line: </p>
<p>"Love is all that we need . . . and communication."</p>
<p>I believe this line with all my heart. But I also believe that hope is essential for people to survive and thrive.</p>
<p>Many thanks for the concern you guys showed Jju and Min. I hope this chapter has brought a little ray of hope in your lives :')</p>
<p>Shoutout to A, for the beta ^^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Minhyun turned and found Jonghyun smiling softly at him. He took a deep breath and stepped beside the bed. “How are you feeling?”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning:<br/>Dark themes<br/>Proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Minhyun was wheezing by the time he reached the hospital’s tenth floor landing. He knew he should have used the elevator, but there was a long line, and he really, really wanted to see his friend as soon as possible.</p><p>He wasn’t really sure what he’d say to Jonghyun, but he figured he could just wing it after he barged into his room. Would Jonghyun’s parents change their mind again about the TRO if he did that though?</p><p>As he was checking the door numbers and trying to look for Jonghyun’s room, Minhyun turned a corner and found himself face to face with Jonghyun’s mom and dad. Ji-eun stood between them, chatting them up, and all three paused and stared at the wheezing young man in front of them.</p><p>“Minhyun-ah,” Ji-eun called out softly.</p><p>Minhyun took a tentative step forward, trying to see if one (or both) of Jonghyun’s parents would give him a good wallop, but both stood in their places, looking at him quietly. Minhyun gathered what little courage he had left and stopped a few steps in front of them, bowing low in their presence.</p><p>“Ahjussi, Ahjumma. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I am still very sorry all the same.”</p><p>Minhyun felt warm, steady hands cup his cheeks. When he dared look up, he found Jonghyun’s mother gazing at him steadily. “Get better, Minhyun-ah,” she ordered him. “For both your and our son’s sakes.”</p><p>“Yes, ma’am,” Minhyun quietly sobbed as Jonghyun’s mother embraced him, the way he sometimes wished his own mother would.</p><p>“He’s in there,” Jonghyun’s mother told him when she finally let him go. “They both are.”</p><p>Minhyun bowed again, this time in gratitude. He gave Ji-eun one last look, as if asking for her support. She sent him a soft smile and a silent cheer.</p><p>Minhyun took a deep breath and stepped inside the room—and immediately found Mingi trying to force feed Jonghyun with some weird-looking dish that he probably, most definitely, fixed back in their dorm.</p><p>“I told you, this will help you heal faster, J-Rie!”</p><p>“That thing’s still <em> moving</em>, Rennie!”</p><p>Minhyun couldn’t stop a snort from escaping his lips. Both Jonghyun and Mingi paused in their mini tug-o-war to look at him.</p><p>“Ah,” Mingi paused, quietly placing the spoon back in the bowl. “The prodigal brother finally makes an appearance.”</p><p>Minhyun felt the bubble of laughter die in his throat. He looked down and stared hard at his toes. “I’m sorry for trying to hurt you,” he whispered guiltily.</p><p>Mingi sniffed dismissively. Minhyun heard a clanking of a spoon against a bowl, and then footsteps. When he risked looking up, he found Mingi lunging at him. He winced, closing his eyes for what he expected to be a slug. Instead, he felt himself wrapped again in another embrace.</p><p>“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about it earlier,” Mingi hissed as he squeezed Minhyun in his arms. “I was so worried when J-Rie told me what’s really going on.”</p><p>Minhyun breathed a sigh of relief, still feeling guilty for receiving love and forgiveness he felt he didn’t really deserve. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Mingi huffed and pulled himself away. “I suppose I should leave you two alone,” he muttered. He raised an eyebrow. “You’re not planning to stab J-Rie again, are you?”</p><p>“Rennie!”</p><p>Minhyun was sure that Mingi was only half-joking. And did he blame his friend for it? Definitely not. He guessed he deserved it, too, after everything that had happened. He sighed. “I promise not to stab Jjuya again, Mingi-ya.”</p><p>“Good,” Mingi nodded as he stepped out the room. He gave Jonghyun one last look and pointed at the bowl. “I want that finished when I get back later.”</p><p>Minhyun watched Jonghyun wince as Mingi closed the door. He looked around, not moving from his spot, not really sure what to do next. This was the part he was supposed to “wing it,” right?</p><p>“Well? Aren’t you going to come closer?”</p><p>Minhyun turned and found Jonghyun smiling softly at him. He took a deep breath and stepped beside the bed. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>Jonghyun grinned. Much like Dongho, he’s covered with different-sized gauze bandages. “Painkillers are now my best friend.”</p><p>Minhyun looked down and bit his lip, feeling guilty all over again.</p><p>“I heard from Dongho,” Jonghyun continued, not giving Minhyun enough time to properly feel sorry for himself. “You’re checking in the mental health center today?”</p><p>Minhyun nodded, eyes examining his toes again. “Aaron-hyung helped me make arrangements.”</p><p>“What did Ahjumma say?”</p><p>Minhyun shrugged. “A wise person once told me that I should have a say on what happens to my life.”</p><p>Jonghyun snorted. “I don’t know about wise, but I’m sure he’s pretty handsome.”</p><p>Minhyun chuckled and looked up, finally meeting Jonghyun’s eyes. In them he found the same warmth and love that Jonghyun had always given him, before his inner voice had taken over and pretty much screwed everything to hell. </p><p>“I’m sorry for hurting you, Jjuya.” </p><p>Jonghyun smiled and reached out to touch his hand. “Apology accepted.” A pause. “Will you write to me? While you’re checked in?”</p><p>Minhyun bit his lip to stop himself from sobbing. “I’ll . . . I’ll try my best.” He wanted to hold Jonghyun’s hand back, wanted to wrap his arms around him one last time, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, not after everything he put Jonghyun through. </p><p>“Minhyun-ah.”</p><p>Minhyun looked up and found Jonghyun smiling warmly at him. He hesitated, but finally returned Jonghyun’s grip.</p><p>“Get better, okay?” Jonghyun told him kindly. “We’ll be waiting for you.”</p><p>Minhyun squeezed Jonghyun’s hand tightly as he felt the first tear fall. “Thank you.”</p><p>***</p><p>Minhyun stood in front of the center, Dongho to his left, Sujin to his right. Aaron and Ji-eun had dropped them off by car a few minutes ago. Their goodbyes were brief, because, as Aaron had reasoned out, Minhyun wasn’t really going away for good. </p><p>“Ready?” Sujin asked, squeezing his hand.</p><p>Minhyun drew in a shaky breath and nodded. “Oh, before I forget,” he turned to Dongho and fixed him a stern stare. “Don’t you dare make a move on my Noona while I’m gone.”</p><p>Dongho looked like a deer caught in the headlights, his ears burning bright red all of a sudden. Minhyun felt Sujin whack his head. “Get in there before I kick you inside.”</p><p>Minhyun grinned and squeezed Sujin’s hand tightly. “Thank you, Noona.”</p><p>Sujin smiled and started pulling Minhyun toward the building. “No more of that,” she announced, even as Dongho followed them from behind, ears still pink. “You do your best to get better, okay?”</p><p>Minhyun was just about to respond when he heard a soft chuckle at the back of his head.</p><p>
  <em> Think you can do it? </em>
</p><p>Minhyun smiled. The road ahead of him looked dark, grim, and lonely, but he knew he could do it. There were people waiting for him to come back, after all.</p><p>
  <b>“Of course.”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>End of Chapter 13</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We've finally reached the end of our tale. Thank you so much for sticking with Minhyun and his journey all these months :')</p><p>What do you say to one more chapter just to see how he's doing? :')</p><p>Much love to A, for her patience and wise words.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jjuya,</p><p>I really hope I can see you again soon. All of you. <br/>I feel it won’t be long now.</p><p>Always,<br/>Minhyun</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: Dark themes.<br/>Proceed with caution.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Epilogue</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Blank pages. Lots of blank pages. </p><p>Minhyun flipped through the rim of paper he had brought with him to the mental health center and saw nothing but blank pages.</p><p>He sighed. Could he really do this? </p><p>
  <em> No you can’t. You’re useless, remember? </em>
</p><p>Minhyun gripped his pen tightly until his knuckles turned white. He refused to give up. He had promised Jonghyun that he would write him letters, and he’d do everything in his power to keep it.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You asked me to write to you while I’m here. Honestly I’m not good at writing, but I will try my best. It’s the least I can do to make it up to you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Please take your time healing, Jjuya. I will do my best, too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They gave us drawing materials today. Said it will help us express ourselves. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I can only draw dark pictures.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I hope I can draw bright ones soon. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> How are your wounds? I finally took my bandages off. There’s a white scar across my palm. It itches sometimes. I don’t mind, it reminds me of what I did. It reminds me of what I need to overcome. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They let us out of the garden today. We picked cherry tomatoes. They reminded me of you. I hope you’re eating your vegetables well. You can be picky sometimes, though Mingi is the most picky out of us all. I hope you’re both doing okay. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“You have visitors, Minhyun-ssi.”</p><p>Minhyun looked up from the table and found an attendant smiling kindly at him. </p><p>“Visitors?” His heart did an involuntary leap.</p><p>The attendant nodded toward the visitors' lounge. “Good-looking young men, too.”</p><p>Minhyun found himself standing before he even realized what he was doing. He followed the attendant toward the visitors’ lounge, where he was greeted by two bright smiles.</p><p>“Minhyun-ah.”</p><p>“Min.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Dongho and Aron-hyung visited today. They said you are recovering well at home. Mingi wanted to come, they said, but he had some uni stuff to finish. I hope they’re telling the truth. Sometimes I wonder if Mingi has truly forgiven me. I don’t blame him if he hasn’t. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I saw a Pokemon card game in the rec room this morning. You really do look like Onibugi, don’t you know?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Visitors for Minhyun-ssi.”</p><p>He was in the rec room this time, playing with his new favorite deck of cards. When the attendant called his attention, he had to force himself not to grin too hard. His heart did a somersault in his chest.</p><p>“It’s your sister and a handsome young man.”</p><p>Minhyun furrowed his brow. Sujin-noona came with one of his friends? Was it Dongho? They seemed to have gotten closer recently. Minhyun made a face at the thought of his sister and his best friend dating.</p><p>“Eww,” he whispered, even as he stood and followed the attendant to the visitors’ lounge. There Sujin sat, waiting for him, a loving smile on her lips. </p><p>It wasn’t Dongho with her.</p><p>“Minhyun-ah!”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Mingi came to visit! He went with Sujin-noona. He’s the same old Mingi. I guess I worried over nothing, huh? I try not to listen to the voice in my head, but sometimes he still wins. I’m glad he was proven wrong this time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The voice is especially loud today.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> My therapist said to take one day at a time, and that’s what I’m trying to do. I get impatient sometimes. When that happens, I try to remember how you’ve been patient with me. How everyone’s been patient. Somehow, it helps me carry on. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Dongho said he’s dating someone now? I swear to God I’ll whack him good if I find out that it’s Sujin-noona. Can you keep an eye on him, just to make sure? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Okay, so it wasn’t Sujin-noona. Do you know who this Nayoung is? Is she good for Dongho? I don’t want his heart broken. I’ve broken it enough for him, I think. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> My heart feels especially light today. I’ve never felt this much peace in so long. I really hope this lasts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Minhyun-ssi?”</p><p>Minhyun turned away from the window and found his usual attendant smiling warmly at him. It was pouring outside, complete with thunder and lightning. Normally people would find it scary, but it was actually helping soothe Minhyun’s heart.</p><p>“You have visitors again.”</p><p>Minhyun frowned. Who would risk going out in this weather just to visit him? He prayed to God it wasn’t his mother.</p><p>“Did . . . is it my sister?”</p><p>The attendant shook her head and motioned toward the visitors’ lounge. “It’s the handsome boy,” she chuckled. “He’s with a different handsome boy this time.”</p><p>Something squeezed Minhyun’s heart. “D-different?”</p><p>The attendant grinned. “This one looks like an onibugi.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Thank you for visiting me today with Mingi. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I already miss you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I tried, but I can’t seem to find the right words to say. It’s not because I’ve relapsed, don’t worry. I guess I just wanted to take some time to really get to know myself again, before I continue sharing my thoughts with you? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s helped, you know. I still feel sad sometimes, dark clouds still appear. But I think I’m learning to live with them, to embrace them, even. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I often talk to my therapist about it. She’s been really helpful. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I really hope I can see you again soon. All of you.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I feel it won’t be long now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>
  <em> Jjuya, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m finally going home tomorrow. I’ll see you soon, okay? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Always, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minhyun </em>
</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Congratulations, Minhyun-ssi,” his favorite attendant greeted him on his way out. </p><p>Minhyun paused and bowed down in gratitude. “Thank you for taking care of me all these months.”</p><p>“Take care of yourself out there, okay?”</p><p>“I will.”</p><p>“Your sister’s waiting for you outside.”</p><p>Minhyun smiled, bowed again, and slowly walked out of his room. He took the time to revisit his favorite spots: the window seat he spent many stormy nights in, the old shelf filled with games that had kept him company, the Freedom Wall, where some of his artworks had been posted. Each one had helped him to cope better, to lessen his longing for his friends, to dampen the pain of non-reconciliation with his mom. To give him peace and hope despite a future filled with uncertainty.</p><p>Each spot helped him put the pieces of his broken heart, of his shattered soul, back together again.</p><p>“Thank you for having me,” he whispered, bowing to no one in particular, before finally heading toward the visitors’ lounge.</p><p>He immediately spotted Sujin, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. Beside her stood Dongho, and beside Dongho stood Aaron and Ji-eun. </p><p>Behind them stood Mingi and Jonghyun.</p><p>All of them were smiling warmly, proudly at him.</p><p>He had missed them so much. He hadn’t realized it when he was still checked in, but yes, the loss of their constant company was one of the hardest he had to deal with for the past six months.</p><p>Minhyun smiled and rushed over. “You’re all here,” he breathed.</p><p>“Of course,” Ji-eun beamed. “We’re family, remember?”</p><p>If tears had started to form in Minhyun’s eyes, he stealthily wiped them away. Dongho was quick to tease him about it, while Aaron and Mingi laughed.</p><p>“You never wrote to me,” Jonghyun suddenly mock-pouted from beside him, a twinkle in his eyes.</p><p>“But I did,” Minhyun replied and gave him a cheeky grin. “You’re the one who never wrote back.”</p><p>Jonghyun raised both eyebrows in surprise. “What?” he asked, chuckling a bit. “I never received any letters though?”</p><p>Minhyun grinned and shook his head. “Let’s go?” he asked the whole group. In his bag were all the letters he wrote but never sent to his friend. </p><p>Jonghyun raised an eyebrow, but somehow seemed to understand what was going on. Minhyun guessed it was one of the things he loves most about him. They shared a silent smile, brief but deep in meaning.</p><p>
  <em> You’re okay now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Thank you for waiting. </em>
</p><p>Their little group exited the center as one, laughing, teasing each other. The second they reached the gates, Minhyun’s family suddenly formed a straight line and smiled at him.</p><p>Minhyun laughed nervously. “What? What is this?”</p><p>Ji-eun grinned and clapped her hands. The group cheered as one, “Welcome back, Minhyun-ah!”</p><p>Minhyun felt his heart swell with warmth and joy and peace. And love. So much of it, he wasn’t quite sure how to keep it all in. So he did what he thought would best express his gratitude: He bowed and returned their greeting with a soft smile.</p><p>“I’m back.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>End of Epilogue</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for going on this journey with Minhyun and his friends. And with me, too. This hasn't been easy to write because of its dark theme, but I hope I was able to give justice to Minhyun's story. Also, I may have shed a tear or two as I finished writing this epilogue. I hope that, in some way, it has touched your hearts, too.</p><p>Thank you so much, A, for sticking with me for fourteen chapters. Your inputs have been really valuable. I wouldn't have been able to do all of these without you.</p><p>Keep safe, LOVEs. Remember to love each other.</p><p>Till our next journey! ^^</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Inspired by "I Will Possess Your Heart" by Death Cab by Cutie.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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